I call them "Overnight Gay." Almost everyone knows (or knows of) someone like this. They go through a bad experience in life - a bad break up, significant other passing away, etc. - and all of the sudden they are gay. I have had a few friends just like that. One of them was bisexual with a strong preference towards men. (Honestly, I don't even think she was bisexual, because in the time she lived with me, she never once even showed a remote interest in females, but she said she was bi, so that's what i'll go with.) A few years later, she found me on Facebook and all of the sudden she was 100% lesbian. I had another friend who was completely straight - as boy crazy as they could come - and a couple of years later, she is a lesbian. It's easy to say "Maybe she was just putting up a front," but trust me when I say she wasn't. I knew a girl once whose boyfriend passed away and just decided she wasn't going to date men any more. Apparently, death doesn't affect lesbians? I don't understand that logic, but okay. Honestly, those kind of people annoy the hell out of me. You're NOT gay, or even bisexual!!! You are bitter! You need counseling. You can't be straight all of your life and just wake up one morning like "I'm going to be gay, today." It doesn't happen that way. Sexuality, in my opinion, is NOT a choice. It's like your skin color - you can't just pick and choose what you want to be. You can pretend to be gay for years, but in the end, the craving for the opposite sex will become way too strong for you to deny it. It's harsh, but that's how I feel.
Even more annoying are the "Drunk Gay" types. These are mostly women. They go to the club, have a few drinks, and notice a cute guy (or group of guys). However, the group of guys are probably not noticing them, or the conversation is just lukewarm. The women, playing on men's sexual appetite, says something to the effect of how they are attracted to women, and all of the sudden they are making out with their best gal pal for the attention. Some will even go so far as to have a threesome. However, they will never kiss any other female, and they only kiss the best friend when they're drunk, or under the influence of some sort of mind/behavior altering substance. It's easier to validate and excuse your actions the next morning if you "weren't yourself" right? If they end up in a relationship with that guy from the club, he will probably ask for a threesome (or ask for one again, if the night went that way) and it will start an argument because she becomes insecure and jealous. Well, that's what you get for the lies you told. I never understood why females do things like that and expect the guy to just realize she was doing it for the attention. Personally, I don't even like to make out in public. I remember I was talking to this girl once and we met up at a club and would kiss here and there, but we always did it somewhere where there wasn't a lot of eyes. That's what attracted me to her so much - she didn't need (and didn't like) all the attention. She never hid her sexuality or lied about it, but she never went out of her way to throw it in other people's faces.
Now, don't get either of those confused with coming out of the closet. I have known gay people to be in heterosexual marriages for years, with kids and all before finally admitting to themselves that they were gay. They struggled with the urges and feelings, and when they finally couldn't take it any more, they came out. I had met a friend at church camp that was gay. We were only 13 when we met, and I knew from the moment we met that he was gay, but only a few years ago did he just blatantly tell me "Shannon, I am attracted to men." I laughed and told him I knew, and when he asked why I never said anything, I told him, "If you weren't comfortable enough to tell me, why would I push you? I knew you'd tell me eventually." He would always pass his boyfriends off as "my friend." I didn't push or even try to make it known that I knew because obviously he didn't want me to. Hell, I was 16 before I even began to admit it to myself that I was bisexual. My best friend is a bisexual female. She is a little more on the butch side, but she has always been open about her sexuality. She is in a relationship with a bisexual female and they have been together for years, but she says they occasionally bring a guy home or use toys when they get the urge. Hey, whatever floats their boat. You can't help who you fall in love with. I'm still baffled that she used to pull such good looking guys considering how butch she was, but kudos to her!
I remember I would fight myself with everything I had to make myself be straight because I was raised to believe that sex was not to be talked about, gays were going to burn in hell, and anything other than missionary position was disgusting. It was hard. It was lonely. It was confusing. For the longest time, I would hear that being gay is a choice. When I was really young I tried to make myself believe it, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't understand how a person's true sexuality could be a choice. I say true sexuality because if you are straight in a lesbian relationship, you are truly straight. If you are gay in a heterosexual relationship, you are truly gay. Make sense? Anyway. I have been blessed not to have been persecuted or bullied for my sexuality. I have been teased and made fun of for many things, but never for that. Yet every day there are gay people who go through hell because of their sexuality. Who in their right mind would choose to go through that on a daily basis, especially during their teenage years when self esteem is so delicate? Nobody. Nobody chooses to be disowned by their family, persecuted and bullied on a daily basis. Matthew Shepard didn't choose to be raped and eventually murdered. Cheyenne Williams didn't choose to be thrown off of a cliff.
I know what the Bible says. I have read it cover to cover and even gone through those pointless True Love Waits ceremonies NUMEROUS times. However, I still can not wrap my head around the concept that sexuality is a choice. You could cover it up, sure, but that's a very miserable existence. Honestly, most religious leaders don't have too much argument aside from "It was Adam and EVE - not Adam and Steve," or some variation of that. I know I will probably get a lot of angry comments about it, but I don't care. This is my opinion and my experience. I can not be convinced that you can choose your true sexuality and turn it off and on like a light switch.
